We always ate together as a family when I was a kid and now that I'm a mom I make sure that we all sit at the table, TV off, and eat dinner together. Even if the night is rushed and we stop for take out, we sit at the table, TV off, and eat together. I'm sure it will get harder as the kids get older and are in different activities but we'll find a way to make it work. Growing up my brother and I had lots of activities and we always ate as a family most nights.
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What's the Big Deal About Family Meals?
When I was a child, I enjoyed our family meals. In my family, everyone was a big talker. It was hard to get a word in edgewise! Everyone had something to say about just about everything! My mom was a great cook, so we all enjoyed her home cooked meals. In the 1950’s when I was growing up, fast food hadn’t been served yet. We had many sit down meals every week. Believe it or not, a big treat was something brand new-- TV dinners! Frozen in aluminum trays, and heated in the oven, we did something revolutionary at the time. We watched our small black and white television while eating our Swanson’s turkey dinner on trays! Wow!
In those days, kids were expected to play outside and entertain themselves. We ate out rarely because we didn’t have much money and restaurant meals were expensive. Sports were less organized and more impromptu. There weren’t as many organized activities or classes.
But of course everything is different today. While we all honor and respect the age old “family meal”, sitting around the dining room table, eating on good china, with steaming bowls of mashed potatoes, vegetables, and meat loaf—this blissful family get together is rare. No one has the time.
More likely, Mom makes a pit stop at the kid’s favorite fast food spot, and hits the drive through. The kids are in the back seat scarfing down tacos, burgers, fries, or whatever they like. On better days, dinners at home might be eaten in shifts, depending on who is being picked up or dropped off. It is no surprise that childhood obesity has become epidemic.
And then, what about Mary? She’s a vegetarian and won’t eat meat. Michael is gluten intolerant and can’t eat spaghetti. Billy will only eat pizza and mac and cheese. Joey won’t eat meat, but will eat chicken. At least everyone loves dessert! And the list goes on. Mom and Dad might be preparing three different meals at every dinner!—not very relaxing.
A recent Harvard Medical School and NPR poll on family health reported the following findings:
“Most children are in households where a parent says it is important that the family eats together, but for almost half (46%) this is difficult to do – largely because of work for the adults and extracurricular activities for the children. The busy schedule of American families appears to be cutting into family dinners together. Among the children whose families did not have dinner together the night prior to the poll, the top reason was that an adult was at work (50% of this group). Children’s extracurricular activities (such as “participating in a team or club or taking music lessons”) played a role for 27% of children who themselves had such activities and for 31% whose siblings did”
Sound familiar? During these hard economic times, employed adults are working harder and longer hours in order to keep their jobs. Longer hours at the office mean fewer hours at home. Kid’s activities keep everyone on the road, especially around dinner time. So what can parents do?
Plan, organize, and insist on at least one meal a week where everyone eats together. This can be an opportunity to cook together, sit together, and clean up together. Kids with special dietary needs can help prepare their meal. It can create an opportunity to teach your children about meal preparation and cooking. It’s a great time to catch up with each other. It can also be a venue for family meetings, which are great ways of improving family life (more about family meetings in a future post).
Make it a family tradition and stick to it. Eventually everyone will look forward to an unhurried, relaxing meal at the family table. Check out an interesting piece on this subject on NPR.
What are your family meal rituals?
Comments
Submitted by JPG on Wed, 03/13/2013 - 10:19am
Submitted by Annonymous on Wed, 03/13/2013 - 1:10pm
I am right in the middle of this dilemma and I spend a lot of time thinking (and sometimes feeling guilty) about this lack of family time. We have two working parents and I would say we eat together at home 2-3 dinners a week if we are lucky. Our girls play select sports and I have my own running/ activities to fit in.
On most days food is just food; and is not the incredible bonding experience where everybody feels warm and fuzzy and bonded afterwards. But, quite the contrary to above, we are not even close to obese. Most days I can't get enough food in the kids to keep them from being hungry and to fuel our high energy lifestyle. I have some strategies now, smoothies, high protein snacks etc...but trust me, Subway and Teriyaki and Pizza are regulars.
My honest perspective is that people put too much emphasis on food being the centerpiece for bonding and family time (maybe too much given the obesity problem.) To me, I put other seemingly "motherly" duties aside (yes, my house is probably messier than yours) in order to have that protected bonding time with my children. Often it is reading together, talking in bed for a while, sitting on my lap and doing homework together, or even watching a tv program (gasp) together and discussing afterwards.
People are tempted to judge the modern “over scheduled family” as a negative thing, but in fact we are all very happy being active and doing what we love to do.
Work/ life balance is extremely important, although it is never a perfect balance and changes rapidly from day to day; that may include dinner together and it may not.
My top priority is cultivating deep and meaningful relationships with my kids.
Submitted by JWN on Wed, 03/13/2013 - 1:19pm
Family meals are the best!
I loved cooking with my mom, or bbq'ing with dad and "helping" make it happen. Sundays it was myself with my 2 sisters "in charge" tacos! We still enjoy the tradition, though I admit the food has evolved.
Playing outside was the best then and still is, what is there not to like a bout a great game of kick the can, or riding our bikes, or hide and go seek! Running was also great fun and still a great passion, give me a rainy day and I will still have a crazy smile after running through a big soppy puddle!
Submitted by Michele Graves on Wed, 03/13/2013 - 1:48pm
As a teenager when I announced I was going vegetarian, my mom took it in stride, but she made a rule that I had to cook a vegetarian dinner for the family twice a week (“Because I don’t know how to cook without meat,” she said).
With a copy of The Moosewood Cookbook, I began introducing the family to a bunch of unfamiliar foods and flavors.
We weren’t always thrilled with the experimental meals, but it was a great strategy on mom’s part. I learned a lot and it was fun.
Nowadays, my mom has expanded her cooking repertoire, too, and I love her vegetarian holiday dinners — and love her for being such a smart and supportive mom!
Submitted by Melissa S on Fri, 03/15/2013 - 5:04pm
We eat together almost every night. It's our time to be together and talk about our day. I found planning a menu for the week makes a big difference. If we have plans that evening I'll put the crock pot going in the morning so dinner is done when we get home. Also, quick meals are great... BLT's - Potato, onion hash, with a fried egg on top - Skillet enchilades and salad (all under 30 minutes to make). Plus left overs never go to waste. A little planning goes a long way!
