Relationships

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Maintaining a healthy relationship with your partner

Dr. Paul | February 21, 2020 |

The other day a friend, who experienced several deaths in her family this last year, sighed and said to me--“At least my husband is the man of my dreams 99 percent of the time.” Wow, that’s a high score. Naturally, I wondered how my wife might rate me.

I had to ask her. She took a long pause (which made me nervous) and told me that I was the man of her dreams 96 percent of the time. I was amazed. I didn't expect such a high mark. A few days later, I forgot to do something she asked me to do, she remarked, “Watch out buddy, you’re slipping down to 85percent.” We both laughed.

Turning mindfulness into service

Dr. Paul | February 08, 2020 |

I practiced Aikido, a Japanese martial art, for over 20 years. This branch of Aikido, taught by Koichi Tohei, cultivates stillness, outer-focused awareness, and non-dissension—not just from a martial art perspective, but more importantly, in everyday life.

By remaining calm and centered, it’s easier to connect with others, even when there’s conflict. It’s simple to be tranquil when you’re sitting by yourself in a quiet room. But what about when you feel attacked? Or criticized? Then we’re quick to get angry, defensive, or aggressive. In Aikido, we called this “fighting mind.”

Learning to be more honest with others

Dr. Paul | November 15, 2019 |

I saw a comedy recently that reminded me of something serious. The movie, “Late Night” starring Emma Thompson, is a story of a comic who is about to be replaced because her show has become stale. Why? Because she was no longer being herself, but instead was trying to please others. She didn't take any risks. Over time, her ratings declined.

In real life, honesty, authenticity, and direct communication can be undervalued, especially in our Northwest culture. How often do friends and co-workers tell you exactly what they think? More often than not, our local culture values indirect... Read More

Learning the meaning of real wealth

Dr. Paul | October 18, 2019 |

I spent my teenage years in New York City. My parents divorced when I was 13 years old and we moved to the city from the suburbs. I lived with my mother. She worked two jobs for several years, as did my father, to help pay for my brothers’ college tuition. My mother hired a housekeeper, Beulah, to help out while she was working.

I spent a lot of time over those years with Beulah. She and I developed a friendship that lasted decades beyond her working for my mother. She was a remarkable person. She grew up on the Mississippi Delta in abject poverty. She lived in the South Bronx with... Read More

Dating as a parent

Dr. Paul | September 17, 2019 |

Jody, 39, is single after 20 years of marriage. Her ex-husband has a gambling and pornography addiction that finally upended their marriage. Jody tried to make it work, mostly for the kids. But over time, she felt neglected, ignored, and lonely. She finally threw in the towel.

Some adults, who marry at a young age, select the wrong person. After all, how well do we know ourselves when we first step onto the adult stage? At 18, I thought I knew everything there was to know. I didn't have any adult life experience, but who needs wisdom when you know everything?

My wife married... Read More

Nurturing your love to build a strong relationship

Dr. Paul | July 09, 2019 |

I attended a beautiful wedding July 4th weekend. The couple, in their early 30s, wondered in their late 20s—would they ever find love? Leslie, the bride, had attended tens of weddings of her large friendship circle. Now, it was her turn to walk down the aisle.

As in many modern weddings, the couple shared with their community their deep sense of love and respect for each other by writing their own vows and sharing their love story. It was touching. Most of us older folks had tears in our eyes.

Of course, I thought about my own wedding, some 42 years earlier. Married in my in-... Read More

Setting boundaries for summertime

Dr. Paul | June 25, 2019 |

Finally, after making up for this winter’s snow days, school is out and summer is on.

Graduations from kindergarten, 5th grade, 8th grade, high school, and college are over. No more homework, no more books, no more teacher’s dirty looks, and no more early morning hustle to get everyone to school. Parents get a break from chauffeuring their kids from activity to activity. Everyone can kick back. It’s time to settle into the summer routine.

For the first week or so, some teens let their night owls fly and stay up to all hours watching movies, playing video games, and texting... Read More

Not underestimating the importance of grandparents

Dr. Paul | June 13, 2019 |

When I was 8 years old, my paternal grandmother moved in with our family. My mother, who lost her mom when she was 18, was very close to her mother-in-law. My father was overseas at the end of World War II when my older brother was born. My mother was 21-years-old, with a newborn, and moved in with my grandmother. Living in a multi-generational family wasn't new to her.

I loved having my grandmother live with us. My mom worked full time and so my grandma took up the slack. In those days, I came home for lunch. I remember steaming bowls of chicken soup waiting for me. When I came... Read More

Negotiating a summer home with your college student

Dr. Paul | May 29, 2019 |

College students are coming home for the summer. It’s a huge readjustment for older teens who were living in dorms and in off-campus housing. At school, they had complete freedom to come and go as they please, with no parental oversight. No one to ask you when you’re coming home, where you’re going, who you’re going with, or what you’re planning to do. No one to bug you about cleaning up your room or folding your laundry.

I remember when our kids came home from college, especially their first summer. They were snarky when I asked them when they were coming home from a night out with... Read More

Spring cleaning

Dr. Paul | April 24, 2019 |

Spring is here! The trees are leafing out with their palette of green. Spring flowers are blooming everywhere and fruit trees are wearing their multi-colored blossoms. It’s nature’s moment of renewal and celebration.

This season always harkens a new start after winter’s cold and darkness. Many of us have our spring cleaning ritual—scrubbing floors and dirty corners, steam-cleaning rugs, and emptying out overstuffed closets and cabinets. It’s a time for cleaning up gardens from winter storms that left leaves and branches on lawns and flower beds. It’s time to plant new flowers and... Read More

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