Relationships

Short Shelf Life of New Love

Dr. Paul | December 05, 2012 | 3 comments

A recent article in the New York Times (Sunday December 2, 2012, New Love: A Short Shelf Life by Sonia Lyubomirsky) cites a study of 1761 people who were married for 15 years or longer. They found that newlyweds experience a major happiness boost that lasts about two years, and then they return to their previous level of happiness. Oh well, the author suggests, the honeymoon has to end sometime!

How frequently I hear from couples who have been married for seven years (remember the seven year itch?) lamenting the loss of passion they felt when they first fell in love. They wonder—“Am... Read More

Forming Adult Friendships

Dr. Paul | November 14, 2012 | 5 comments

I frequently hear from adults in their 30’s and 40’s how difficult it is to form close friendships at this stage in their lives. Despite having scores of Facebook friends, work acquaintances, or adults met through their children’s play dates, it’s hard to develop the kind of bonds they formed in adolescence or in college.

Let’s face it; there are no friends like old friends.

I have two buddies from college who I am still in touch with over the last 40 years. We grew up together (so to speak) and we know each other in a way that is different than more recent friends. But they... Read More

Legalizing Marijuana: What are the Social Consequences?

Dr. Paul | November 12, 2012 | 27 comments

Last Tuesday, Washington and Colorado voters overwhelmingly approved the legalization of marijuana for recreational use. The battle for legalization of marijuana has been going on for years, led by small groups of activists. Currently 12 states allow for the use of marijuana for medical reasons, including Washington State.

Why did Washington voters approve this initiative? I believe that the culture in our state is largely supportive of the rights of individual to engage in self-directed choice, as long as their choices don’t harm others. There were many other arguments for... Read More

Dealing with Addiction

Dr. Paul | November 07, 2012 | 6 comments

Mary’s husband Bill likes to drink red wine at night—several or more glasses. At family gatherings, dinners out, and at home, he often has “several too many”. After dinner, he is likely to fall asleep in his chair. Other times, he can become angry or hostile. When Mary brings it up, he becomes aggressive—“You’re so judgmental! You’re not perfect either!” he quips.

End of conversation.

His adult children have said something too. Usually they plead with Dad to “slow down” on the wine. Sometimes he might, but mostly he doesn’t. This has been going on for years.

Sarah... Read More

Where To Go When Your Child Needs Help

Dr. Paul | October 15, 2012 | 2 comments

Summer is a fading memory and the clouds have returned. School is in full gear, and progress reports are in the mail. The pressure is on and some children (and their parents) struggle with school concerns (poor performance), behavioral issues (meltdowns), or emotional problems (worry or depression). What should parents do? How can we help our children?

When my youngest daughter was 7 years old she went through a period of frequent meltdowns. Diane and I were at wits end as to what to do to help her maintain better control and how to respond to her frequent fits (tears, yelling,... Read More

Honoring the Elderly

Dr. Paul | October 10, 2012 | 8 comments

Last weekend, my wife and I visited our children in the wilds of Brooklyn, N.Y. While we wish they lived closer, we love visiting them. I spent my teenage years in New York City, so I always love to return to my childhood haunts. A visit to New York is a cultural cornucopia too--museums, theatre, and just walking around with eyes wide open.

A significant portion of our trip was spent visiting several elderly adults. I have two lifelong family friends who still live in Manhattan. Ruth is 90 years old, and I have known her and her family for my entire life. Dorothy, another lifetime... Read More

Marriage in 2012

Dr. Paul | October 08, 2012 |

Marriage in the United States is still popular! Over 90 % of young adults aspire to marriage--although recently, many would-be married couples choose cohabitation instead. And, according to Dr. Andrew Cherlin at John Hopkins University, Americans have one of the highest rates of romantic breakups in the world. Why?

There are probably many causes for this trend. With greater personal affluence in the United States comes greater choice--in work, where to live, lifestyle, and even in partners. Adults also have a greater sense of entitlement. We want to have it all- career, family,... Read More

Is Your Partner Grumpy?

Dr. Paul | September 24, 2012 | 13 comments

The other day, a friend of mine told me that his wife was just plain grumpy! She snapped at him frequently over small things. And at times, she could even be nasty. He didn’t know what to do. Whenever he reacted to her irritability, she got even more annoyed! When he mentioned his concern about her behavior, she barked—“If you just weren’t so annoying, I wouldn’t be so annoyed!”

And so goes that kind of conversation— usually nowhere.

What is this about? Why is it that the some people seem to be chronically irritable? Most grouchy adults blame others for their irritability---... Read More

Forgiveness

Dr. Paul | September 17, 2012 | 5 comments

“To err is human, to forgive is divine” Alexander Pope, English Poet, Born 1668

Today marks the beginning of the Jewish New Year, Rosh Hashanah, which culminates in 10 days on Yom Kippur, a day of atonement. It is a time to reflect on the past year, and to look ahead to the New Year. What do you want to develop in yourself? How do you want to be? In Judaism, the slate between you and your maker will start anew. But, whatever unfinished business you have with others is up to you to mend.

It is one thing to acknowledge your mistakes and failings, and to “make amends” to... Read More

Holding on to Romantic Love

Dr. Paul | September 10, 2012 | 6 comments

To see a world in a grain of sand,

And a heaven in a wild flower,

Hold infinity in the palm of your hand,

And eternity in an hour.

William Blake, Auguries of Innocence

Recently I spoke to a woman who has been married for 25 years. She has a lovely family, grandchildren, friends and a strong community. But she wondered about her marriage. She and her husband have a comfortable relationship, but there was little passion or... Read More

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